Cheerful....bones?

I have wanted to be joyful to my innermost being...to my bones...since I can remember. And be able to shout it out and let everyone know it. Only problem being...I'm just not made that way. But I can have unspeakable joy down to my very core, and Proverbs 17:22 reminds us just how important that is: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

I have felt dried up for a couple years. I have discovered that having toddlers totally destroys me (LOL!). We all experience life a little differently; sometimes it's the infant stage that is horrible, the teenage years, anything else in between. Being a parent, in general, is the hard thing. All the stages are hard, and you get through it, and then a new stage begins with new difficulties and you have to figure it out all over again! It is incredibly frustrating, no?

I do recognize, however, in all the hard, those teeny, tiny moments that make you think, "oh my goodness, he/she is incredible," "I love them so much it hurts," "how'd they learn to do that- they're geniuses!"

But I'm not here to downplay the hard. It is BRU.TAL. And it has really brought me down, tested my mental health, specifically over the toddler years. There's something about a human learning that they have choices and can say "NO!" and scream and yell to get their way that will get you down, feel like you're worthless, like you're doing a horrible job as a parent.

I hope some of you can relate.

I've now done this toddler thing twice, and see a pattern. Ha. Little ones require so much of you, that if you're not taking care of yourself, you will easily be sapped. I WANT to be everything for my kids, let them know I'm here for them, help them figure out this life. But I realized, if I don't make God a priority, OVER my kids, I will be depleted and left in a really dark place.

Darker than dark. So dark I can't see straight. It's a scary place to be.

It's hard to have cheerful bones when you're in this place.

If you're there, for whatever reason- parenting, grief, or anything in between- I am there with you. More importantly, so is God. Since it's so dark, it might be hard to know He's there. I have learned that my tears, when I have no words, speak to God. My wails hidden in the bathroom or in my pillow late at night, speak to God. My own little tantrums, wanting to stomp or hit the wall from absolute frustration and despair (again, hidden in the bathroom), speak to God. We don't need a fancy prayer or special wording. Let God see you where you are. He will meet you there.

The best news yet, is that God's light shines brighter and the darkness cannot beat it. Light always wins.

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1: 4-5

You may have heard the phrase, 'Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you realize He is the rock at the bottom.' I have lived and seen that to be true. God doesn't cause bad things to happen- we are simply in a fallen world. But He can use those hard times to shape you and show you just how merciful and gracious He is. I know you will find Him there, if you are rock bottom today.

credit: daughterbydesign.wordpress.com

After toddler #1, and I hit rock bottom, I allowed God to fill my spirit. One day, about a month later, I walked in to work, and felt like I was bouncing as I walked with a smile on my face- not my norm. I realized in that moment that God had fulfilled me to the point of having

Cheerful Bones.

It takes a little time. But God's peace is quick to show up. And it won't necessarily make sense- or it may even feel wrong- as you might still be going through hard stuff. That is what unspeakable peace from God is all about.

That is why I am here. To let you know, that as impossible as it felt to me, God shifted my difficulty into cheerfulness. It is about consistently finding God in your dark place, every single day. He isn't upset that you're there. He cares so much for you that He is ready to pull you out.

God, I am in a really dark place. I ask you to pull me out of it. Reveal to me how I can get free from this darkness. I believe Your light shines brighter than the darkness, and I ask You to show me now.

Some more ways to help when you're in the dark:

• Playing praise music fills the air and your mind with good things. Have it on in the background, in your car, on the way to work, on lunch break.

• Open the bible. Psalms can be a comforting place to start. The gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are uplifting as they tell the story of Jesus and his ministry.

• Reach out to a trusted family member or friend. Sometimes releasing it by just getting it out of your mind helps.

• Do you need more help? It is brave to reach out. There are a multitude of resources. Look through the list at https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm and call the one that applies to your situation.

• Find a counselor. This can be a process to find the right one for you, but again, being able to release and dump your mind can be life changing.

• Journal. Write about this time. You will come back later and see that you got through it (perhaps with combined resources as listed above).