A normal Tuesday
What looks normal to you? What is your daily life like; that normal, somewhat mundane routine that is your life? More importantly, what do you think about it?
I recently had the opportunity to get away from it all- including kids. My husband had a business trip, and asked if I wanted to come along. Of course I immediately said yes. Who would ever say no, lol? I knew I would be alone most of the day, but I was looking forward to reading, shopping, and doing whatever I wanted to do.
There's more backstory, though. My sister and I are going through the hardest part of our lives- being caretakers for our mother. Alzheimer's is a disease that steals from you so cruelly, and every single day our hearts break, we doubt the choices we've made for her, and we grieve. I've been having nightmares every night about her. It's usually a circumstance where she gets agitated, and all hell breaks loose. Sometimes, it's real mom in my dreams, the mom we know and who raised us. In those moments, I wake up, unable to recover from the loss all over again. So when my husband asked if I wanted to go with him, I thought, maybe going away will also help my mind.
So we ventured to Las Vegas, the city of lights and bands and roulette...more than anything, I just wanted time with my husband. He's noticed a shift in me since my mom has become worse. More edgy, sad a lot, angry. I wanted time away with him so that, maybe, my old self could show itself. We had a good time at night, usually also hanging out with his business associates, listening to live music and escaping into the sounds of the city. It also helped that it was a great conference for him, a rejuvenation of the work he does. I was so happy for that for him.
However, while I was there, I was surprised by my own heart within me. I deeply ached for my kids, my dogs, my cats, my community of people surrounding me- and even my messy house. I knew that I would return and the stress of daily life would return, but I felt so out of place in Las Vegas and just wanted to get home.
Despite my ache, I made the best of it that I could, and you know what? The nightmares stopped. My husband and I laughed and had good times. And as I walked through my kitchen today, tidying up from last night, I realized that trip gave me more. It gave me the appreciation of a regular, slow Tuesday. My girl woke up and snuggled me. My puppies snuggled until I got out of bed. My cat watched me from his perch until I got up. My son tumbled down the stairs, his eyes foggy and hair mussed. I tidied up the living room from movie night the evening before, happy folding the blankets and resetting the pillows on the couch. The puppies barking at me happily, playfully, ready to eat and go outside. My heart had ached for exactly this, and as I made a regular, microwave quesadilla for the kids, I was so grateful to understand that I had everything I needed. Hard times will always be there, but my eyes are awakened to the everyday gifts God sends me.
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
Don't get me wrong- I have always been grateful for my life. But I found myself fervently praying while we were away- for my kids' safety, for our safety, for us all to get back together. For peace with my mom, that she can just enjoy being with me rather than angry. For some kind of understanding in this new phase, as my parents get older, as me and my sister become heads of the family, as we try to understand daily how to get through it. Yea, being away does make the heart grow fonder. But I also don't want the difficulty of life to blur the good in the every day life I experience. In all honestly, it has. How can it not sometimes? My favorite two words from the bible: But God. This is a shifting point, a pivot. We move away from our own weakness and hopelessness to God actively choosing us, Him being in control. It wont necessairily change our hard times. But it can change our hard times into our normal moments bringing great joy.
"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
We all have hard times, sometimes don't have the opportunity to get away, and it can be really difficult to smile or be grateful. I completely understand, sis. Seek Him above, and He will show you daily miracles, opening your eyes to what the darkness does not want us to see. I hope to hold this vision as long as I can, even in the hard.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
Until next time,
Kat
xo
p.s. I'm using AI to generate my letter board pics because my cats clawed up mine. LOL
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011
The Holy Bible: New King James Version. (1982). Thomas Nelson. NB: 1982
I am not a Bible scholar or preacher, I am just a girl who loves Jesus. This is my interpretation of things I have learned. I hope it can encourage you and lead you to the bible to see the truth for yourself. :-)
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