God is nearer than we think

The past few months have been the hardest I have had to face yet. My mother has Alzheimer's, and if you've been there, you know just how unpredictable, uncontrollable, and unrelenting this disease can be. My sister and I have been scraping for any kind of hope, all the while constantly doubting our decisions for mom's care. It is utterly exhausting and soul breaking.

Of course I know God is near. Yet...I have lost a little faith in the sense that I don't even know what to pray. I don't understand how this can be so bad, with almost zero hope of improvement. Can there be a miracle? Sure. But I don't think that is the purpose of this season. God is trying to get my attention- not causing this to happen to my mom, but using a horrible circumstance to show His presence. When I can't pray, my prayers have come down in tears. I know He hears those too.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

I decided to really take charge of my self- care, not drowning in a bottle of wine or seeking out something to hide the pain. The first thing upon my feet hitting the ground is to open my bible. Of course, with a cup of my Bravenly coffee, lol. The only way we will know God and know Him speaking to us is if we know His character. How do we know Him? We look in the bible.

Sometimes I just open it and start reading, regardless of where it is at. My bible has verses along the side margin that I can color, and when I opened it, one caught my eye right away.

Even an ox knows its owner, and a donkey recognizes its master’s care—but Israel doesn’t know its master.

    My people don’t recognize my care for them. Isaiah 1:3

Did you see it? "My people don't recognize my care for them." God was speaking to Isaiah about the rebellious Judah, but this can and does apply today. It hit me like a truck. I couldn't recognize Him taking care of me because I was so caught up in my grief. God IS taking care of me, of mom, of my sister; He CAN bring hope to difficult situations; I have been turning the other way, so desperate and desolate I can't see what God IS doing. When it gets difficult, we can't turn inward and isolate ourselves. God is doing work, through the valley and all. That is where He gets ultra personal.

And let me be clear. Just because we might avoid Him during difficult times, does not mean His wrath is going to come upon us. Because of Jesus, we are already forgiven. When we turn around and see that He is right there, He gives us the most gentle smile, embraces us, and continues walking with us.

Are you going through a difficult time? God collects your tears, and is waiting when the grief subsides a tiny bit, and you can see that He is still there. I encourage you to look for Him in the dark- His light outshines the dark you may be in.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5