One wall, many walls

Have you been hurt? Betrayed? Disappointed by someone? I'd say for a lot of us, our natural inclination is to put up a wall and shut them out. Who wants to get hurt any more than once? Twice? Three times? Count me out!

What I have found, however, is that once I've put up one wall, it is much easier to continue adding the bricks to make the wall taller, and then more bricks to make another wall, and another and another. It just continues piling up. Before I know it, I've built a structure fit for a medieval castle. And when I have lots of walls around me, it's hard for me to let God in. That is where the trouble really occurs. It's not just shutting out the people that hurt us, it is shutting out God's eternal love and healing. He can mend what has been broken in us. He can show you the love that was rejected to you. He can show you a love, a peace, a fulfillment that no human, job, hobby, or substance can possibly achieve.

I know simply because I've been there.

"So we should just keep allowing ourselves to get hurt?" No. Rather than walls, what we need are boundaries. Boundaries protect us from going into that place of hurt repeatedly. Some call them guardrails. There are many books about these topics that I recommend you search. God is good with boundaries. He does not want us to get sunken deep in muck and mire. He wants us to avoid that trap, and gives us strength to do so.

I admit, I'm still working on this. My heart wants to make everyone happy, and I've had to realize that is simply impossible. And to protect myself from spiraling out of control with bad thoughts about myself, I have had to put boundaries in place. It is not easy.

It might be not allowing certain people around you.

It might be not going to certain places.

It might be not letting certain substances in your home.

It can also be establishing rules for those that enter your home.

Sometimes, it feels mean, or perhaps downright awkward. Go ahead and be awkward. Establishing your boundaries is taking care of yourself, and it will weed out those that are no good for you. I know that hurts. Trust God to take care of your heart. If it is people like family, still stand firm in your truth. If they can't handle it, you may see them a little less for the time being. But trust God to do the hard work of molding everyone's hearts. When you show up, He shows up. He supports your boundaries. Over time, the boundaries you have established can can mend those relationships that have been broken. What's more, you will be able to show up in the relationship because of the boundaries you have put in place.

Think of the Garden of Eden. God created Adam and Eve to be in the garden with Him. To walk with Him. You know the story. They had one rule- one boundary given by God. Do not eat the fruit from this one tree. The boundary was to establish how they could stay in close relationship with God. When that boundary was broken, they couldn't stay.

Not sure what your boundaries should be? Ask God. When we continually meet with Him daily, He reveals His truth that will fulfill your life beyond measure. You will know it is right when you feel immense peace, even when it doesn't quite make sense or seems like it is difficult. When you make a move, that relief washing over you is God's spirit. Or the simple thought bringing you relief is God's confirmation that you are on the right track. It is a simple, gentle nudge. Don't ignore it- it is Him. As you get more used to it, you will recognize it immediately. This is why daily, daily, daily, we must meet with Him. We cannot possibly know His peace by meeting with Him occasionally. We cannot understand His confirming Spirit by praying here and there. You probably know this about human relationships- the strongest ones are those that you talk with or visit often. God is a relational being. He wants daily time with us.

He only reveals a little at a time. He allows us to take baby steps. He allows us to be sure that this is the right move. And then, He wants you to move. So don't worry. He has your heart in His hands, holding it ever so gently, wanting nothing more than to heal it and protect it.

Don't let one wall lead to many walls. That only causes you to hurt more, and can distance you from God's gentle, loving Spirit. Lean in to God, and He will show you what your heart needs.

Come near to God and he will come near to you.

James 4:8

Dear God,

My heart is hurting. I'm not sure what it needs, but I ask You to reveal it to me. Hold my heart in Your hands, and shape it to understand Your desire for me. Let me break down the walls I have built, so that You may enter. Help me establish the boundaries I need to protect my heart. Help me to seek You, and not the love or approval of others. Help me see that only You can truly fulfill my soul. Thank you for hearing me and loving me.